Other people might be judging water parks based on the thrill rides or the wave pool or the food or the amenities. I’m judging them almost exclusively based on the lazy river because that’s where I’m spending the majority of my time. The game plan is always the same. I’m walking in the front, paying for a locker, throwing my shirt, wallet, keys and phone in there, slathering on sunscreen and then immediately heading for the lazy river.
Once there, I’m finding an intertube, or if I’m lucky, one of those half chair, half intertube things, and circumnavigating loop after loop until I die of heat stroke or feel like getting a hot dog. That’s it. That’s my only agenda, and for almost forty years, it has worked out perfectly. After my first trip this week to Universal Orlando’s Volcano Bay, however, I’m starting to question things.
better than expected food and wander over to The Fearless River. I’d spend a little time there and then head back again. It was a fun little day of contrasts, and now, it has me wishing every single water park on Earth had a fast and a slow lazy river.
Have you ever done something for the first time and wondered why it took you so long? That’s how I feel right now. I’m the biggest lazy river fan I know, and it turns out up until earlier this week, I knew nothing. I’m shook but also extremely excited to go back. Maybe next time I’ll even ride it at night.
Volcano Bay recently announced it’ll be getting rid of its wristband system and switching to a more traditional ride queue. Thankfully, that shouldn’t effect either of the lazy rivers. They will, however, be unavailable during a larger planned park closure between October of 2026 and March of 2027. I guess we’ll all just have to suck it up and spend more time at Universal’s brand new Epic Universe during that window, which is set to open later this month. We recently went to a preview, and spoiler alert, it’s awesome. Maybe not two lazy rivers awesome but close.