What is it that has made Nate Bargatze one of the most popular comedians of his time? Some might argue it is the Tennessee native and family man’s likable everyman quality, while others might say it is his ability to be absolutely hilarious without ever resorting to filth in his routine. You can gather round the whole family to check out some of the funniest things the stand-up has said on stage so far, below.
“I’m As Shocked As You Are That I’m Here”
Nate Bargatze was still not quite a household name in the stand-up world in 2023 when he first hosted Saturday Night Live (and played George Washington in a beloved sketch). However, he immediately won over the Studio 8H crowd in his own self-deprecating way, pointing out how surprised he is to receive the opportunity to grace this iconic stage as the emcee.
“They Called Him ‘Two Thumbs Bargatze’… Because He Had Two Thumbs On One Hand. But He Still Had The Other Thumb. So, It’s Not Even A Good Nickname”
While appearing in a special called Brad Paisley’s Comedy Rodeo, which is available with a Netflix subscription, Nate Bargatze recalled the story of one of his most amusing ancestors. He explains how “Two Thumbs Bargatze” earned his nickname due to an unusual birth defect, while also pointing out how the moniker does not quite add up when you think about it.
comedy special on Paramount+, Full Time Magic, which originally aired on Comedy Central in 2015). It is clear he loves his daughter, but has also never shied away from discussing the struggles of parenting in his routine, sometimes from the perspective of other parents he has met, like in this bit.
“I Ordered The P90X Videos. I Thought I Could Do That. Never Worked Out A Day In My Life, So Let’s Do What The Navy Seals Do”
Health and fitness is another recurring topic in Nate Bargatze’s material, specifically his reluctance to eat healthy or stay fit. However, he mentions one time that he did attempt to adopt a new workout regimen, but one that might have been a little too extreme for him at the time.
“[My Wife] Always Tells Me I Don’t Listen… I’ve Heard That Every Time, But…”
Why is it that spouses, mostly cisgender men married to women, have such a difficult time being attentive to the person they have committed their entire lives to? Even if Nate Bargatze had learned the answer at one point, it probably went in one ear and out the other.
“No One Has A Good Day On Facebook. It’s Everybody’s Worst Days Of Their Lives”
Experts have dedicated their countless hours to analyzing and explaining the negative societal impact of social media, but Nate Bargatze manages to sum it up in just a couple of sentences.
“He Has The World Record For Being Bitten By A Viper Snake. It’s Seven Times, Which Is A Record No One Is Trying to Get”
Before he headlined his own Netflix comedy specials, Nate Bargatze made his debut on the platform in 2017 in an episode of The Standups. In it, he performs one of his most famous bits, in which he recalls his visit to the Cape Fear Serpentarium, which is run by an eccentric reptile expert with a unique reputation.
Nate Bargatze’s alma mater is Volunteer State Community College, which is, indeed, located in his native community. However, he can say he did beat the odds by going on to hit it big as a comedian.
“I Went Into Starbucks, Ordered An Iced Coffee With Milk… He Gives Me Milk With Ice In It”
One of Nate Bargatze’s most revered bits is the story of his botched Starbucks order, which he cannot imagine anyone in their right mind would want to drink. He later provided an update to the story in his 2019 Netflix special, The Tennessee Kid, in which he reveals he updated his order to “iced coffee with cream,” but even that got ruined when a barista assumed he wanted whipped cream.
“When We Saw [The Sixth Sense] For The First Time… We Just Thought His Wife Wasn’t Talking To Him For, Like, A Year. That Made More Sense To Us Than Him Possibly Being Dead”
In the years since the horror movie classic The Sixth Sense was released in 1999, people have claimed that they saw the twist from the M. Night Shyamalan movie coming the whole time. However, after hearing Nate Bargatze’s take on Dr. Malcolm Crowe (Bruce Willis) and his trouble communicating with his wife, Anna (Olivia Williams), I am not so sure I believe them.
“I Don’t Know A Lot. Making It This Far Has Been Great”
There are not very many stand-ups who can pull off a self-effacing style of comedy quite so effectively as Nate Bargatze. There is something charming about his willingness to paint himself as an aimless dolt getting by purely on luck.
“My Wife Gets Mad Because I Don’t Like Any Of her [Facebook] Photos… It’s Like, ‘Is This Not Enough, Us Living Together And Stuff?'”
Adding on to this joke, Nate Bargatze mentions how he told his wife that he did like the photos she later shared online when they were taken, making it unnecessary for him to click the “Like” button on Facebook. That strategy has certainly worked for me.
“I Don’t Know Anything About History, And I Can Tell Because Every History Movie I Watch, I Watch On The Edge Of My Seat”
Honestly, I think Nate Bargatze has the right idea when it comes to watching cinematic dramatizations of historical events or music biopics. It is best to go in with a fresh mindset… and then debunk the fabricated details later.
“I Got Pushed Into A Wall Headfirst And I Took Them Three Class Periods To Figure Out I Had A Concussion. That’s How Much I Was Bringing To The Table”
Imagine suffering a mind-inhibiting head injury, and neither your teachers nor classmates would be able to tell if anything was different from how you usually behave. It sounds like high school really was rough for Nate Bargatze.
“I Did A Show In Prison Once… I’m Sitting Here, Doing My Dumb Jokes, None Of Them Work. Every Joke I Have Involves Being Outside In The Past 30 Years”
No matter how much Nate Bargatze must have struggled while performing for incarcerated individuals, he likely did not bomb anywhere nearly as badly as Jerry Seinfeld in the series finale of Seinfeld, and he was telling jokes to his fellow inmates then.
In defense of Nate Bargatze, it is a strange thing to ask a comedian about the educational requirements involved with pursuing their line of work. Now, there is such a thing as a collegiate degree in comedy, as I literally just discovered, but it’s not like clubs are asking to see your credentials before they agree to let you perform at open mic night.
“I Read Every Book As the Truth… And From What I Can Tell, We Have A Pretty Big Wizard Problem In This Country Right Now”
I wonder if Nate Bargatze ever watches the Harry Potter movies and notices how well the cast resembles The Boy Who Lived and his friends.
“I Was Like, ‘Laura, I Don’t Know If You Even Know What An Airport Is, But If That Plane Was In Our Driveway, I Don’t Think You Could Make It”
This is how Nate Bargatze responded to his wife, Laura, when he was planning to meet he at an airport, asked when she was leaving and she said, “Noon,” but it was already 11:30 a.m. It turns out she was referring to when she planned to leave for the airport. That prompted him to point out that he was definitely referring to the time of the flight.
“I’m Always Trying To Lose Weight, And Then You Think, ‘I’ll Tape A Special… That’ll Do It…’ Next Thing You Know, It’s Already Started”
I think there are many people who can relate to Nate Bargatze’s pain when he expresses his struggle with finding the right motivation to get in shape, especially one that adds a time limit.
“The Guy’s Like, ‘I’m John. This Is My Wife, Jane.’ And Their Last Name Was ‘Doe…’ Couldn’t Believe It. Cut To Earlier This Year. I’m 35. I’m Driving… I Was Like, ‘I Bet They Were Lying To Me About That'”
This joke comes from Nate Bargatze’s story from when he was working at Nashville’s Opryland theme park, and he met a couple who might have been pulling his leg about their identities. He adds that he tried to look up John and Jane Doe to learn of their whereabouts, only to find they were murdered.
“I Can’t Get Robbed Because, If Some Guy’s Like, ‘Let’s Go To The ATM,’ It’s Like, ‘Well, I Guess We Got To Wait For My Wife To Get Here”
A lot of Nate Bargatze’s routines reference the fact that his wife is the one who runs things around the house and in his life, including keeping track of his banking information. That is honestly a pretty ideal arrangement they have, on his part, especially.
“Being A Contractor, That’s A Great Job To Have. Because You Can Just Ruin Someone’s Life And Leave”
I cannot tell you just how seen I felt by this joke. I would not be surprised if the contractor who inspired Nate Bargatze to write this bit was the same person my family and I once dealt with, because it genuinely seems as if sabotaging our livelihood was his end goal.
“If I Went Back In Time, Knowing Everything I Know Now, I Don’t Think I Would Make A Difference”
I would be very reluctant to travel to the past if given the opportunity, worrying about how easily one mistake I make could severely alter the present. However, I might feel more comfortable if my time travel partner was Nate Bargatze and I let him handle all the talking. It’s not like anything potentially catastrophic would slip out of his mouth.
“[My Wife And I] Used To Watch That Show The Amazing Race Together. She Was Always Like, ‘Oh, We Should Do That.’ I Said, ‘Look, If You Want To Get Divorced On Live TV, Let’s Do It'”
According to CheatSheet, quite a few couples who participated on The Amazing Race together have since split up, so I might take this Nate Bargatze joke as something of a warning.
“I Know That She’ll Be Smarter Than Me Next Year And Then Just For The Rest Of Her Life, So I Am Really Sticking It To Her While I Can”
In this bit, Nate Bargatze admits that he has relished in being able to talk down to his daughter before she matures and, inevitably becomes the smarter one between the two of them.
“Our Dog Is Always Pulling Us On The Leash… My Neighbor’s Dog Doesn’t Do That… He Said, ‘We Bought One Of Those Choke Collars… That Stab The Dog’s Neck…’ I Was Like…, ‘So, If I Don’t Have That, Should I Just Hold A Machete Under Her Throat?'”
Given how Nate Bargatze describes choke collars, I imagine there are also dogs everywhere who would very much appreciate Nate Bargatze’s joke about the product.
“Your 20s Are Great… Your Friends Call You. They’re Like, ‘Do You Want To Go?’ You’re Like, ‘I’ll Go.’ You Don’t Even Know Where You’re Going… Your 30s Come And You’re Like, ‘Where Are We Going?’… Your 40s, You’re Like, ‘I’m Not Going'”
At the time I write this, I am in my early 30s and can confirm that my friends and I are far more strategic about our meeting plans than we ever were in the previous decade of our lives. A part of me is actually looking forward to my 40s so I can follow the Nate Bargatze philosophy and just stay home.
“Chuck E. Cheese Is Rough. I Don’t Know If You’ve Been There In A While. They Look Like They’re Trying to Go Out Of Business, And They Can’t”
I remember being curious how Chuck E. Cheese was managing in the era of COVID-19, and my assumptions of how things must be going were pretty accurate to Nate Bargatze’s update on the matter in this joke from his 2021 Netflix special, The Greatest Average American.
“I Still Do Not Sleep With Socks On Because My Dad Told Me My Feet Can’t Breathe When I Was A Kid. I Still Believe That, So You Bet I Could Talk To A Fake Woman For Quite A While”
This is Nate Bargatze’s way of explaining how easily he could fall for a Catfish situation.
“Marriage And Prison Are The Two Easiest Places To Start A Fight”
I do not believe Nate Bargatze is any way suggesting that marriage is like being in prison, but the way he acknowledges how readily conflict can arise in either situation is quite fascinating.
“Free Range Is Chicken That’s Allowed To Roam Free. Obviously Not At The Store. It’s Dead At The Store, But They Still Have A List Of His Hobbies On The Package”
I prefer not to think of the life that an animal once had before I consume it, but now Nate Bargatze may have ruined that for me forever with this clever bit.